3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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