Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
