My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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