Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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