lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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