so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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