I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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