I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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