Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
