His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
