I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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