The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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