wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
