Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
