maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
