just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
