Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
