You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
