FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
