I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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