So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
