Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
