i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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