How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You took a bar mat shot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
