You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
