Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
