I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
