i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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