Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
