i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
