Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
