dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
