I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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