i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
