I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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