Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
