Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
