hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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