Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
