Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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