Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
