Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
