if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
