I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
