If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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