the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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