Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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