yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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