Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
that is very illegal...i love you.
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