I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
