WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
