I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
