How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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