it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
