This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
