i would punch a child for taco bell
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
