I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
