wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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