I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
