We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
