I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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