For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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