I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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